PAY ATTENTION TO SOMETHING, ANYTHING
concentrate on the muscle memory welling up in your hands until it disappears. then watch as they rise up like two unfamiliar squid and try to kill you.
or think about how any bubble in your bathtub is a little mirror in which you can see yourself violently drowning.
your joints are widening all the time.
in this way they are like a universe.
i saw them spreading on the stairs. two circus performers stepped in and pulled them apart. now you can’t walk w/o feeling spasms of intense pain that shake you up and down like a flightless bird of the desert.
i see your head swell and i want to wrap electrical tape around it until it feels better.
these are just some of the services i can provide.
i go around town on a tandem bike and in the back seat is a guy i know that looks just like me except he’s covered in black fur and smells like razorblades.
he takes aggressive swipes at me all the time but its cool because i know his arms aren’t quite long enough to reach and so i just concentrate on the pedaling and feel the wind on the back of my neck as he drools on himself and makes frankenstien sounds and dreams of the forest.
hire us to perform at your daughter’s birthday party.
i know her from school. we were the same year.
i was valedictorian.
i cried on stage.
everyone’s parents clapped and i was handed a piece of paper.
on the paper was a giant middle finger drawn in red crayon and i looked up at the principle and he slapped me on the back and made a finger pistol and we laughed about it for a while and then he gave me a ride home and tucked me into bed and told me a story and i was like, goodnight dad and he was like, goodnight son and the lights went off and when i woke up you were lying right there next to me.
i looked at you as hard as i could because you were suddenly a bell and you were ringing ringing ringing.
this is damn good, dude
lord, i’ve got some Hot Feelings
ok, i’ll admit it. i love adopting kids and raising them!
if i had a secret garden
all i’d do is pump iron in it
have you ever eaten sushi off the genius bar at an apple store?
would you like to?
this butterfly sanctuary is making me so nervous
cradle my skull
feel my hood
face the facts:
you’re nothing out of context
and within it, you’re just a babe
— Anne Carson, from red doc> (via sarahjeanalex)
izzy starts talking about neopets
do u really wanna talk about neopets
*pulls up my neopets bank account*
*izzy notices my sweet 14 million np*
izzy: how did you get that much?
me: stocks, baby
*puts sunglasses on and rides into the sunset*